Sanctification

On Wednesday we welcomed two sisters, ages 7 and 9, into our home, officially doubling the number of children in our house in less than a week. Sissy went from being the oldest to having 3 big sisters. Budders now has 3 girls he really doesn't know trying to lug him around (and running him to me every time he cries! Yikes!). And Bubba and Sissy are both having to adjust to older kids with different senses of humor and pet peeves. They are altogether adjusting very well, and I am proud of the love that they are showing their new sisters.

The big girls are adjusting to life in a new house, new authority figures and rules, new younger siblings who {sometimes} annoy them. They are learning new routines, attending new schools, making new friends, and missing friends and family.

I won't try to pretend that this is easy. Foster care is definitely one of the hardest things I have ever done. I am adjusting to a {much} high noise and chaos level. I am learning trying to figure out which fights to pick. I am struggling a bit watching Sissy and Bubba get exposed to things I have tried so hard to shelter them from. I hate watching them feel left out or picked on or talked down to. I am having to draw the line regarding what words, music, et cetera we will allow in this house, resulting in disappointed girls (and losing some of my fun-mom-ness). I have had moments when I miss "just us." I have thought What are we doing? But I have also watched these girls come a long way in this short time that we have had them. And I am {learning} to love like Christ. Sanctification. It's what this is all about anyway.




16. FG's first prayer!
17. family worship on a full bed
18. a hug from my 9 yr. old {this is a BIG deal!}
19. 7 yr. old's {first} prayers
20. FG asking to be baptized!
21. my awesome mother-in-law-- HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KAREN!!
22. hours of giggles
23. not having to worry about dinner after school this week--thanks to my awesome MOPS friends!

One Thousand Gifts & Mommy Guilt

One Thousand Gifts
Have you had the pleasure of "meeting" Ann Voscamp? I was introduced to her blog last year, and was excited to get my hands on her book earlier this year. Ann has a beautiful, poetic writing style (which may or may not appeal to you for the duration of her 227-page book). She introduces us to the idea of giving thanks in all things, keeping a gratitude journal. In her experience, thanking God-for the small things and the hard things-will dramatically change how one lives. I started my own journal of the 1000 (plus!) gifts He gives me, but found I would only last a few days, and then it would get pushed aside for a week. Or a month. So I've decided to post my 1000 gifts on here for some accountability.

Mommy Guilt
I've felt my share of mommy guilt over the past 5+ years I've been a parent. From less significant things like sunburns and babies rolling off the couch to more substantial things like making my babies cry themselves to sleep and Bubba's circumcision. I wish I'd breastfed my older two. I wish I'd given birth naturally the first two times. I'm sure I could come up with an extensive list.

The most recent onset of mommy guilt came at the expense of Budders' teeth. I took him to the dentist this week, concerned about some chipping and a spot on one of his top four teeth. The mommy guilt had set in even before I booked his appointment. Does my baby have tooth decay? Did I not brush his teeth enough? The dentist confirmed my fears: Budders has two cavities and all four of his top teeth have soft enamel. Apparently this is fairly common, and is most likely a result of a fever or some other disruption while I was pregnant with him. No matter what, I carry at least some responsibility.

Mommy guilt does not feel good. Sometimes guilt is destructive. It can put us in a bad mood, and can damage relationships. It can keep us immobilized in depression or self-pity. It can even make us physically ill. This guilt is not beneficial.

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1

But some guilt is good. Guilt can be a catalyst for change. Researching before Budders' birth, I felt so guilty regarding Bubba's circumcision. Although I can't go back and change my uninformed decisions, I could make a better decision for my future son(s). Likewise, it was during my last pregnancy that I discovered The Baby Sleep Book and The Baby Book, both by Dr. Sears. With my new knowledge came the guilt from letting my babies cry themselves to sleep, but now I know better.


And so I begin my blog's 1000 gifts...

1. mommy guilt
2. grace upon grace
3. the innocent forgiveness of a child
4. piles of clean laundry (we are well-dressed!)
5. a wealth of information at my fingertips
6. the sweet "Flower Girl" who entered our home and our lives yesterday

Change of plans

Do you ever think that sometimes, God just wants to see how you'd handle a certain situation? Of course He already knows how you'd handle it... Anyway, I'd like to think that's what our time with Miss P was about...

We received a call late yesterday afternoon that Miss P would be leaving to go live with her grandma. Honestly, I can't say I was too disappointed. Sissy, on the other hand.... Let's just say I want to love like my daughter does. That afternoon, Sissy sat next to Miss P in the van, and was tormented for the greater part of a 40-minute drive. She was hit, poked, scratched, and when we arrived home, I found a handful of her hair in Miss P's lap. The phone call came ten minutes later, and this is what I got:

Now, I won't say that this is pure, selfless love. She cared more about having a sister than what was truly best for Miss P. But despite how horribly she was treated, she loved her little-while sister.

So now we wait. Again. This time I think we're going to hold off until we change our license....