When Things Don't Work Out Right...

Curly arrived at our house last Thursday. She was sick and kept pretty quiet, though she seemed to have fun with the kids that evening. Friday was busy, so there wasn't much time for normal interaction until the evening, when my mom watched the kids for my birthday date with Hubby. We ended up picking the kids up a little early after a text that she was being mean to the other kids. I hadn't seen anything major, so I figured she was just tired and sick.

Saturday was my birthday, and I woke to Bubba screaming in pain. I hurried out of bed to find Flower Girl holding him. She told me that Curly had thrown him into FG's footboard. I was alarmed, but not extremely concerned. Unfortunately, the injured list kept growing throughout the day. She was obviously a hurting child, lashing out toward others both verbally and physically, often completely unprovoked. With six other children in the house, we knew we couldn't let it continue. Hubby emailed her caseworker Sunday afternoon, explaining the situation.

We're currently waiting to hear when she'll be leaving. Hopefully she'll be placed with her brother, in a home where they are the only children, or at least the youngest. Disruptions are disappointing, but we're confident that we've made the best decision for our family and the children in our care.


81. my children's love for each other
82. a protective little brother
83. the great staff at our doctor's office
84. the opportunity to help my sister through THREE days of active labor, and in the end
85. welcoming my new nephew into the world!
86. free childcare via my awesome mom for my birthday
87. beautiful weather
88. baby breath and
89. open-mouth (baby) kisses
90. comfort in the chaos

Getting Creative {with twins!}

So late Monday evening we welcomed two new little girls into our home: Twin T and Twin E. Sissy was especially excited because the girls are only a few weeks older than she is (they will turn 6 at the end of this month). Yesterday was a bit of a blur as I shopped for school uniforms and supplies, bought groceries, picked up our ground beef (from my chicken people!), and made 3 trips to the school to enroll the girls--all with 5 children 5 & under in tow! We made it through the day with surprisingly little drama, save Sissy's meltdown because the girls didn't play with her enough throughout the day. These girls have been through quite a bit, and though we've been warned to watch for anger issues, they seem very sweet. Still, I was looking forward to the calm this morning, to spending time with my 3 youngest, schooling Sissy and Bubba, and getting some much-needed housework done. But then nothing around here tends to go as planned, so I really was not surprised when I arrived at the school to find the girls were not in fact enrolled yet.

Now, when new kids come into care, usually very little is known about them. We receive a form stating they are in our care, which also serves as proof of insurance. Theoretically, we are supposed to receive insurance cards after awhile. But we have never received a birth certificate or social security card. Twice (out of 11!) have we been given shot records. This has never been an issue before, especially since our previous three older girls were transferred from other schools who had the required documentation already. Unfortunately our school was unable to get the shot records from the twins' previous school. The shot records on file with the state showed they were not up-to-date with their vaccinations. So this morning I was told the girls could not attend school until the shot records were received, and I should go home and wait for them to call me when that happened. I should have dealt with everything right then, but I had five antsy kids on my hands and I didn't have all of my wits about me. Instead, I came home, called (& emailed!) the caseworker and then called the girls' aunt, who had previous custody. She wasn't sure if she ever had shot records, but insisted that everything that she had was given to the caseworker. She did give me the phone number (from the phone book!) of the pediatrician who she thought she'd taken them to. Unsatisfied, I called my pediatrician to see if I could get in and get them shots. No well-child appointments available for six weeks.

Then it hit me: kids don't NEED to be vaccinated before they can attend school. I know from my own research that they cannot force me to vaccinate my children. Now, I understand that CPS is actually the guardian in this case, and that foster children are supposed to be vaccinated, and I fully intend to have these girls vaccinated in a reasonable manner. However, they also need to be in school.

So I called the school back and asked if they could locate the vaccination waiver form, informing them that I would be bringing the girls back shortly. I may have stretched the definition of "personal belief" a bit this morning, but I believe that it is in the best interests of the twins to be in school while we sort out all of this mess. I had to get a little creative this morning. Do you think they'll question it at all? How have you needed to use your creativity lately?


73. Twins!
74. comforting Twin T after she hurt her knee last night
75. Bubba's budding sense of humor
76. Budders' singing
77. seeing our first foster son at the Christmas party on Saturday
78. hearing encouraging stories from fostering friends
79. my supportive friends and family
80. that I have a Rock that cannot be shaken

{Happy Homemaker Monday} November 21, 2011

{Happy Homemaker Monday}

The weather in my neck of the woods: Beautiful! Seems like "fall" weather is finally here!


Things that make me happy: my morning tea & blog time, kids playing nicely together, a sneak-peek of our family pics taken Saturday {thanks, Jenn!!}


Book I'm reading: God Is the Gospel by John Piper

On the menu for dinner: bean & cheese burritos


On my to do list: school with Sissy, doctor appointment for Flower Girl, cleaning out the sisters' room, and a thorough house cleaning

New recipe I tried or want to try soon: Baked Potato Soup - had this Wednesday night at life group--yum!


In the craft basket: A dress I bought on clearance that needs to be shortened & my nephew's birthday shirt {still!}--see a pattern here?!

No words needed (favorite photo or picture, yours or others you want to share):

Lesson learned the past few days: We adjust fairly quickly to the challenges handed to us. At first, 6 kids seemed really hard, but it became normal. Just having 4 in the house seems so easy & quiet!


On my mind: my brother {Happy birthday, Paul!} and his sick wife, and looking forward to this weekend!


Devotionals, Scripture Reading, Key Verses:

 Mark 5:24-34 

 A large crowd followed and pressed around him.  And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years. She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse. When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, because she thought, “If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed.” Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering. At once Jesus realized that power had gone out from him. He turned around in the crowd and asked, “Who touched my clothes?” “You see the people crowding against you,” his disciples answered, “and yet you can ask, ‘Who touched me?’ ”
 But Jesus kept looking around to see who had done it. Then the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at his feet and, trembling with fear, told him the whole truth. He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.”

Join in at Happy Homemaker Monday

50. a phone call from the sisters!

51. a quiet evening as a family of 6

52. seeing friends & family at my brother's birthday party

53. a sweet old friend coming to take our family pictures {for free!}

54. a relaxing Sunday afternoon 

55. pizza for Sunday dinner, courtesy of my parents {no cooking!}

56. family seeing Budders like he usually acts during the week, but on a Sunday

57. silly, innocent questions about anatomy from my 3 year old

58. my messy 12-passenger van (because it runs! & I can transport my whole family & then some!)

Goodbyes

We are preparing again to {possibly} say goodbye, this time to the two sisters. This has been a challenging placement, and at times their upcoming departure is a bit of a relief. I look forward to a break in the quarreling and lying, a break from needing to constantly be aware of the location of certain members of the family. Budders especially has taken quite a beating (unintentionally!) from {well-meaning} older sisters lugging him around.

Yet at the same time, my heart aches for these girls. I hurt knowing the abuses they've suffered. I've rejoiced at little victories: prayers at family worship time, a sibling play date, growing relationships, hurt hearts confiding in us. I know a little about where they will be going, and while I would not willingly send my biological children there, I rest in the knowledge that God is in control. He is good, and He cares for them more than I ever could.

"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows." Matthew 10:29-31

42. good conversations with friends
43. watching my sweet hubby attempt to sew Barbie clothes!
44. siblings reuniting after weeks apart
45. lunch with Hubby mid-week
46. {free} bikes!
47. reading that I'm the "most important person" in Flower Girl's life
48. {hopefully} getting answers from the doctor for Sissy
49. friends & coworkers giving us clothes for the girls

I'm Baaack!

So sorry it's been awhile since I've posted. We're getting used to having 6 kids in the house & 3 big girls in school. I never imagined how much work it is having children in public school! We spend almost as much time going over their homework as I do schooling Sissy! Not to mention the time spent walking them to school and picking them up again in the afternoon. Needless to say, my days have been rearranged quite a bit, which has resulted in my lack of blog posts. (Because while I love writing, I'd much rather be reading with my kiddos!) So I am trying to find a new time to blog, and I think I'm back on track. For now I'll just leave you with some of my recent "gifts":

24. 5 small prayer journals--getting used!
25. Hubby's flexible schedule (able to help out in our 2nd grader's class!)
26. cameras (to remember)
27. 3 girls thankful for their new family
28. busy case workers who communicate well
29. catching a busy case worker (who doesn't communicate so well) before she went home yesterday
30. wonderful friends who offer to photograph our family for FREE!
31. siblings reuniting by phone (hopefully in person soon!)
32. Sissy scoring 100% on a 1st grade reading test (Does anyone know of a good online reading test? I'd love to know how she's measuring up to her public school "peers")
33. God providing a great memory verse for a scared Flower Girl
32. everyone participating in family worship last night

Sanctification

On Wednesday we welcomed two sisters, ages 7 and 9, into our home, officially doubling the number of children in our house in less than a week. Sissy went from being the oldest to having 3 big sisters. Budders now has 3 girls he really doesn't know trying to lug him around (and running him to me every time he cries! Yikes!). And Bubba and Sissy are both having to adjust to older kids with different senses of humor and pet peeves. They are altogether adjusting very well, and I am proud of the love that they are showing their new sisters.

The big girls are adjusting to life in a new house, new authority figures and rules, new younger siblings who {sometimes} annoy them. They are learning new routines, attending new schools, making new friends, and missing friends and family.

I won't try to pretend that this is easy. Foster care is definitely one of the hardest things I have ever done. I am adjusting to a {much} high noise and chaos level. I am learning trying to figure out which fights to pick. I am struggling a bit watching Sissy and Bubba get exposed to things I have tried so hard to shelter them from. I hate watching them feel left out or picked on or talked down to. I am having to draw the line regarding what words, music, et cetera we will allow in this house, resulting in disappointed girls (and losing some of my fun-mom-ness). I have had moments when I miss "just us." I have thought What are we doing? But I have also watched these girls come a long way in this short time that we have had them. And I am {learning} to love like Christ. Sanctification. It's what this is all about anyway.




16. FG's first prayer!
17. family worship on a full bed
18. a hug from my 9 yr. old {this is a BIG deal!}
19. 7 yr. old's {first} prayers
20. FG asking to be baptized!
21. my awesome mother-in-law-- HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KAREN!!
22. hours of giggles
23. not having to worry about dinner after school this week--thanks to my awesome MOPS friends!

Our license is about to be put on hold...

In my mind, we should have 3 (more) little girls living in our house right now. Our current foster license expires Monday, and we should have had our renewed, amended license next Tuesday at the latest. From what we were told, renewal packets should be sent to foster families approximately 90 days prior to their license expiration. We were supposed to have the paperwork returned to our agency 60 days prior to expiration, in order for our family specialist to process our renewal packet and have it submitted to OLCR (the Office of Licensing, Certification, and Regulation) 30 days prior to expiration. We received our package in July, and returned it to our agency the first week in August. To our frustration, our family specialist did not have our package completed in time.  In fact, it was just submitted last Friday. Also to our frustration, she was unaware that our new addition needed to be inspected by OLCR (she came out and inspected it herself). So on Monday OLCR requested more information (an inspection) before they could process our renewal. Of course, they couldn't just schedule one; our agent had to fill out an inspection request form online. And now we're waiting for a phone call to schedule our inspection. And often these inspections are scheduled a week or two out. And (did I say this already?) our license expires Monday.

When we were first licensed, we were the first home study our family specialist had ever conducted. We gave him a break, and were understanding (although antsy) as we waited for our license. This time we're a little more frustrated. This is a simple procedure. It should not be this complicated, right? We decided to look into switching agencies, as we had heard during our initial training that this was possible. We have interacted with another Christian agency in our state, and we have had good impressions of the agency and its officers. So I called the other agency yesterday to inquire about the transfer process. To my chagrin I was informed that they do not accept transfers. Door closed. So we decided to ride it out for another year. If we have more issues in the coming year, we are going to talk to the director of our agency and possibly ask to be assigned a different family specialist.

I know that all things work in God's timing, not in my own. In the right time, we will be licensed for our 3 girls, and at the right time, He will bring the right girls into our house. I have to believe that they just aren't ready to come to us yet. So we wait. Again. In the mean time, I appreciate your prayers as we prepare to {re}open our home.

Our Foster Care Journey

Hubby and I both have fostering in our family. My grandparents on both sides fostered, as did Hubby's grandma and aunt. Still, this was not something I've always dreamed of doing. I've always had selfish, idyllic visions of how my family should look. These visions included children who look like us and who were raised by us from birth: children without baggage.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.

For as the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8,9

God began stirring our hearts toward missions in the fall of 2009. While we would have loved to pack our bags and move across the globe, we knew the time was not right. A few months later, in January 2010, Hubby suggested fostering as a way of introducing the missions mindset to our family. Although my self-centered fantasies kept me from agreeing wholeheartedly in the beginning, I submitted to Hubby's leadership, and we attended an orientation. There we were given an over-view of the foster system in Arizona and a list of the private agencies that facilitate licensing.

In our state, licensing agencies train foster parents and submit their package for licensing. They also assist CPS in placing children, and monitoring the placements. There are 3 Christian agencies working in our area, so we researched each, and contacted them regarding their training schedule. In Arizona foster parents are required to attend 30 hours of PS-MAPP classes, broken into 10 3-hour weekly sessions. Two of the agencies offered week-night classes, and only one had classes on the weekend. Due to Hubby's school schedule, we had only one option. Unfortunately, they were 2 weeks into a new training session when we attended orientation; we had to wait another two and a half months before we could start training.

We finally started training in April 2010. In addition to the training, we began compiling the documents needed for licensing. This included birth certificates, background checks from every state we've lived in, shot records, medical clearances, our marriage license, a fingerprint clearance card (which the state pays for), character references, employment history, taxes--pretty much everything about us. We had to write letters to hypothetical birth parents, do some role-playing, get our CPR certification (which we had to pay for), and watch countless PowerPoint presentations. We built relationships with some of the other parents, and were partnered with our Family Specialist. The Family Specialist is the one who prepares and submits your package to CPS. He made sure that we had all of our training and paperwork completed, and visited our house several times. We graduated from our PS-MAPP class on June 26, 2010, two days before our 3rd baby arrived!

During our class we had the Office of Licensing, Certification and Regulation (OLCR) come out for a safety inspection of our house. Since we don't have a pool, we didn't have to deal with all of the requirements for that--I heard that can be a major pain. For us, they were basically checking to make sure we had a working fire extinguisher and smoke detectors, working appliances, and that our toxics (mainly bleach) and medications were locked up. We over-prepared and over-stressed about this inspection; it was not that big of a deal. Still, we ended up having an empty fire extinguisher (thanks, Home Depot!), so our Family Specialist had to come out for a supplemental inspection once that was remedied.

About this same time, our Family Specialist came out for a home study. This simply consisted of separate interviews in our home. Once classes were over, we just had to wait for our Family Specialist to submit our licensing application. It can take days to a month for your license to be approved once your package is submitted. Much of this depends on the thoroughness of your Family Specialist. Unfortunately for us, we had a brand new Family Specialist; we were his first family. So although he had all of our necessary documents when our class was over at the end of June, our package was not submitted until mid-September. Our license was approved October 4th. A friend who was in the class with us had a very experienced Family Specialist, and was licensed the third week in July!

We waited over a month for our first placement, but it has been a steady stream of children in and out since then. In Arizona foster parents are allowed to be licensed for two children their first year, and five after that. We were only licensed for one this first year, because our three biological kids are (currently) ages 1, 3, and 5, and the state only allows four children ages 5 and under to be in the care of one adult. Since hubby works and we chose to have children the same ages as our own, we were limited to one. We have decided to change a few things this coming licensing year. We are going to be taking three girls, ages 5 to 10. This will be uncharted territory for us, so I'm sure it will stretch our faith and our parenting ability!

Up until now, our oldest foster child had just turned three, but most of them were quite a bit younger. As a result, we haven't had to deal with too many extreme behaviors. We know that this is about to change, and that in a way we are putting our biological children at risk. Still, we see this as a family ministry, and we trust that God will protect us and help us in this endeavor. Foster care is not easy, there are struggles challenges, and we are confident that we are being sanctified in the process.

Change of plans

Do you ever think that sometimes, God just wants to see how you'd handle a certain situation? Of course He already knows how you'd handle it... Anyway, I'd like to think that's what our time with Miss P was about...

We received a call late yesterday afternoon that Miss P would be leaving to go live with her grandma. Honestly, I can't say I was too disappointed. Sissy, on the other hand.... Let's just say I want to love like my daughter does. That afternoon, Sissy sat next to Miss P in the van, and was tormented for the greater part of a 40-minute drive. She was hit, poked, scratched, and when we arrived home, I found a handful of her hair in Miss P's lap. The phone call came ten minutes later, and this is what I got:

Now, I won't say that this is pure, selfless love. She cared more about having a sister than what was truly best for Miss P. But despite how horribly she was treated, she loved her little-while sister.

So now we wait. Again. This time I think we're going to hold off until we change our license....

A New Arrival!

Miss P joined our family in the wee hours of Sept. 11th, 2011. She just turned 3, and is very... spirited! We had planned on restricting our license to five- to ten-year-olds beginning next month. Apparently God had other plans.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.

For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8,9

The noise level in our house just doubled with her addition, and I am going to have to keep much more focus on the kiddos. I am learning to value people more than possessions-as Miss P just poured her milk ALL OVER my sofa- and exercising my patience. I appreciate all prayers on our behalf- especially that we would show His love in the midst of our exhaustion, frustration, and chaos.